Boskak

Notice to All Cricketing Nations visiting Australia.

Teams MUST adhere to following new mandatory ICC code.

1. Winning Rule: NO VISITING TEAM should plan to win in AUSTRALIA. This is to ensure that the sportive spirit of cricket is maintained.

2. Fourth Umpire Rule: Ricky Ponting should be considered as the FOURTH UMPIRE. As per the new ICC rules, FOURTH UMPIRE ’s decision is final and will over ride any decisions taken by any other umpires. ON-FIELD umpires can seek assistance from RICKY PONTING even if he is not on the field. Every visiting team should understand the importance of FOURTH UMPIRE

3. Amendment to Catching Rule: While Australian Team is bowling, If the ball flies anywhere close to the Australian Fielder (within 5m distance), the batsman is to be considered OUT irrelevant of whether the catch was taken cleanly or grounded. Any decision for further clarification should be referred to FOURTH UMPIRE (specified above). This is to ensure that the cricket is played with SPORTIVE SPIRIT by all the teams.

4. Integrity Rule: While batting, Australian players will wait for the ON-FIELD UMPIRE decisions only (even if the catch goes to the FIFTH SLIP as the ball might not have touched the bat). Each Australian batsman has to be out FOUR times (min) before he can return to the pavilion. In case of THE CRICKETER WITH INTEGRITY, this can be higher.

5. Sledging Rule: All Australian players are eligible to keep commenting about all players on the field and the OPPONENT TEAM should never comment as they will be spoiling the spirit of the Australian team. Any comments made in any other language are to be considered as racist only.

6. Match Referee’s Code of Conduct: Match Referee’s decisions will be taken purely on the Australian Team’s advices only. Player views from the other teams decisions will not be considered for hearing.

7. Ricky Ponting Rule: If any bowler gets RICKY PONTING out more than twice in a series, he will be banned for the REST OF THE SERIES. This is to ensure that Australian captain can play to break records and create history in the game of CRICKET.

FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else’s cows. You have to take care of all of the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.

BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and put them in a barn with everyone else’s cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the regulations say you need.

FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them and sells you the milk.

PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.

RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.

CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both of them and shoots you.

DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

PURE ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.

LIBERTARIAN/ANARCHO-CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

At Christmasy times like these some of us still like to give each other nice cards with nice sentimental bearish messages, instead of just flicking through an e-card.

Actually, e-cards are so 2001, don’t even think about that shit.

But back to the point. You visit Foodtown or Paperplus looking for a nice card for your buddy/mummy/baby/FB, and what do you see but a bunch of sleazy corporate greeting cards with a soppy ‘poem’ by some pseudo-writer - for like five freaking dollars!!

The thing about greeting cards, see, is that they’re cheap as hell to make. They’re also a gift item, so people often don’t feel comfortable searching for cheap ones. And they’re a non-regular small purchase, so you tend just to grab them where you can rather than putting much thought into where you get them from.

Hence, the greeting card business is ideal for bastard corporations who’ll charge you $5 for a card it cost 7 cents to make.

But! Nice charities can also sell you cards at amazing prices, and because cards are cheap to make, they can still have money left over for the kids/homeless/cancerous/etc.

This year I bought my Christmas cards from Youthline - $10 for ten cards, i.e. cheap as heck, AND I’m helping save little emo teenagers, AND it’s technically a charitable donation and therefore tax-deductible, so I get a third of the price back at the end of the year. BARGAIN.

I therefore declare that anyone who gives me a corporate greeting card this year will receive it back SPLATTERED WITH THE BLOOD OF A DEAD CHILD as a reminder of the price of his thoughtless actions.

Merry Christmas
Matt

I thought that since I’ve been knee-deep in the scene for the last few months I’d dig a little on the current political state for Boskak readers who are still hanging around. I’m speak not as an expert but from my own observations over a relatively short period of time. At best this should be a good read for people who have been politically apathetic until now.

So the big news from last night is that Jacob Zuma is now the president of the ruling party. Thabo Mbeki will be our lame duck president of the state for the next year or so until the elections of 2009, in which we will most likely see Zuma voted in as the president of the republic. Not only was Zuma voted in, his entire camp was ushered in, giving the ANC’s NEC (National Executive Committee) a complete makeover. It’s up to anyone out there to draw their own conclusions from this. My thinking is that it symbolises the strength of the pro-Zuma rally as well as the strength of the anti-Mbeki sentiment.

More to be read….

Okay, so the words ‘New and Improved’ should never be used in the same sentence( according to maddox) , since how can something be ‘New and Improved’??

Well That is a really good question, and I think I have just found the answe.

Below is a boere wors braai kit that is new ( due to a completely unique and unheard of design) and improved (because it allows you to turn the wors at will, allowing you to get that even burnt taste throughout your wors)..

I mean face it , if you need a braai kit this awesome you must really suck at braaiing ….

More to be read….

addox finally released a new article on the 29th of October (finally!!) But unfortunately for me  I’ve only had a chance to look at it today.. (I was getting bored of checking his site everyday only to see the same crap still up their) . But thankfully I checked today, cause it is damn funny..

Maddox Fashion

Topics Covered(and extracts) :

Crocs look like shit and they make your feet smell.
(” Crocs have the rare combination of being expensive, poor quality, and ugly. It’s quite a feat for one shoe to suck this bad.”)

Red lipstick makes you look like a clown:
(”Insecure women with boring faces lap this shit up because they think “hmmm.. what does my face need? Oh, I know! A giant hokey shade of red that isn’t even found in nature.”)

You are not a Cuban dictator.
(”Fidel Castro hats were made to be worn by Fidel Castro. Not hipster losers trying to look ironic. “)

Self-aggrandizing “hottie” shirts make you look like a bitch:
(”The shirt at the top emblazoned with the phrase “you say I’m a bitch like it’s a bad thing” epitomises this attitude. Guess what? It is a bad thing. Here is my unabridged definition of bitch:”)

and some more topics..

Good laugh everytime !

Enjoy

Just a quick WTF!!

Seriously guys, check this out : Black & White to color this is just crazy ><…

Basically this guy uses Matlab and converts Black and White images into Colour, just by squiggling lines on the image.. It even works for Movie clips!!

Peace out!

I’ve just started playing Sam ‘n Max Episode 1 (I bought the entire series on steam for $27) , and wow is it a breath of fresh air into the life of gaming that has become obsessed with First Person Shooters (FPS) and Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Games (MMORPG).

I played the demo a while back (available here ) and found it quite entertaining, but never actually thought of buying the game as I felt that $9 per Episode is just to much cash for little old me to splash out.

But steam is having a special on till the 9th of November where you can buy all 6 episodes for $27. That means you save $36! Okay, back to the point..

More to be read….

Okay, so I haven’t posted an article in like 2 months.. Not my fault, I promise.. It was all my evil twin brother. He invaded my body and didn’t allow me to post.. HONEST!

Okay, I’m seriously not going to make up some random excuse why I didn’t post anything for a while, besides Maddox takes twice as long with his posts!

Anyways, found this really awesome little gif showing us exactly just how small earth really is..

More to be read….

Okay, who in this world or the next has heard about the new craze “The Secret” ?

I’m guessing that since we are all intellectual  beings here, with IQ’s higher than 3 we can come to the conclusion that “The Secret” ( everybody say ” Oooooooooooooooooooo” )  is the biggest universal pile of genie poop!

For those of you who don’t know about “The Secret”, here is a quick run down..  Basically they say that what ever you wish for will come true (given that you wish hard enough, and long enough.. and ofcourse it needs to be positive wishes too..).

They say the universe is like a genie, and it works like a catalogue. You think it, they deliver it! AWESOME!!

More to be read….