Boskak

For a guy who’s quite happy to slob in front of the couch for 5 days of test cricket at a trot (and has had the fortune to nab a job where I can “work” from home), it’s been a great couple of weeks.  South Africa’s win in the first test against Australia was the obvious highlight: especially with the Kaapenaar boys JP Duminy and Jacques Kallis (”Dumb-inny” and “Jacks” if you’re an Aussie commentator) contributingly heavily to the not-quite-recordbreaking victory… I mean, Kallis hitting sixes? Criminy. It’s a time of change for the cricketing landscape, with Australian dominance fading as their greats of the 90s retire one by one. Teams like India, England and South Africa, once able only to knock about in the Aussies’ shadow, are now regularly looking capable of giving Ponting and co. a decent thrashing.

Given all that though, maybe the most important developments in cricket were unfolding at a countryside ground in New Zealand with a seating capacity sufficient only to house a few blokes round for a barbie, where two teams (New Zealand and the Windies) languishing at the bottom of the test rankings were fighting it out for the wooden spoon. Important not because of who would carry home the wooden spoon (and what sort of baked goods they might come up with), but because this was the setting for the second trial of the ICC’s pilot umpire referral system.

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Notice to All Cricketing Nations visiting Australia.

Teams MUST adhere to following new mandatory ICC code.

1. Winning Rule: NO VISITING TEAM should plan to win in AUSTRALIA. This is to ensure that the sportive spirit of cricket is maintained.

2. Fourth Umpire Rule: Ricky Ponting should be considered as the FOURTH UMPIRE. As per the new ICC rules, FOURTH UMPIRE ’s decision is final and will over ride any decisions taken by any other umpires. ON-FIELD umpires can seek assistance from RICKY PONTING even if he is not on the field. Every visiting team should understand the importance of FOURTH UMPIRE

3. Amendment to Catching Rule: While Australian Team is bowling, If the ball flies anywhere close to the Australian Fielder (within 5m distance), the batsman is to be considered OUT irrelevant of whether the catch was taken cleanly or grounded. Any decision for further clarification should be referred to FOURTH UMPIRE (specified above). This is to ensure that the cricket is played with SPORTIVE SPIRIT by all the teams.

4. Integrity Rule: While batting, Australian players will wait for the ON-FIELD UMPIRE decisions only (even if the catch goes to the FIFTH SLIP as the ball might not have touched the bat). Each Australian batsman has to be out FOUR times (min) before he can return to the pavilion. In case of THE CRICKETER WITH INTEGRITY, this can be higher.

5. Sledging Rule: All Australian players are eligible to keep commenting about all players on the field and the OPPONENT TEAM should never comment as they will be spoiling the spirit of the Australian team. Any comments made in any other language are to be considered as racist only.

6. Match Referee’s Code of Conduct: Match Referee’s decisions will be taken purely on the Australian Team’s advices only. Player views from the other teams decisions will not be considered for hearing.

7. Ricky Ponting Rule: If any bowler gets RICKY PONTING out more than twice in a series, he will be banned for the REST OF THE SERIES. This is to ensure that Australian captain can play to break records and create history in the game of CRICKET.

The call centre where I work has a once-yearly awards/pub-quiz night out thing. This year’s is coming up in a few weeks time, so I thought this might be a good time to share with y’all the story I wrote about last year’s event (printed in Satellite of course!). Enjoy the impoliteness!

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Matt goes to work quiz; hilarity ensues

Friday night. Ellie and I had been invited to this work thing involving some sort of sales prizegiving thing, a pub-style quiz in the cafetaria, and free drinks.

Naturally, we can’t be fucked with any kind of bank prizegiving bullshit, so meet the rest of the night team at the pub while waiting for the quiz to start. Preliminary chats reveal that the seven of us have roughly 26 years of uni between us. Permastudents like myself; awesome. Consumption begins with a few pints.

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Well this might be a bit premature.

I don’t think I can see Australian playing as absolutely useless as us anytime soon. So i’m going to write this post with the assumption that South Africa did not just lose, but got absolutely THRASHED in the cricket.

Here at boskak we are going to tell you exactly WHY we lost…. sorry, i meant.. got absolutely DESTROYED. Not in 10 years of South African cricket have I ever see such a pathetic display of batting by the supposed “World’s no1 ranked team”.

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KINGSTON, Jamaica (CNN) — A pathology report indicated that Pakistani cricket coach Bob Woolmer died of “manual strangulation,” according to a statement from Jamaican police commissioner Lucius Thomas.

“In these circumstances, the matter of Mr. Woolmer’s death is now being treated by the Jamaican police as a case of murder,” the statement said Thursday night.

Police announced Tuesday that Woolmer’s death was suspicious, two days after he was found unconscious in his room at the Pegasus Hotel. Woolmer, 58, was declared dead at a hospital soon after he was found.

Initial media reports indicated he died of a heart attack.

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Sitting with beer in hand and a confidence that has seen better days after a thrashing from Arsenal, I was almost scared to switch over to the soccer, so that I would not have to witness what I believed would become a bloodshed, where the blue’s would run riot and leave no man standing.

But thankfully for me the cricket was about as entertaining as watching someone getting beating with a shovel over and over again, and then bending over and asking for more. Now to some of you, that might be a turn on of some sorts.. But believe me, watching South Africa getting single handedly raped is not much fun at all. In fact, it’s quit sickening.

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